Dear Dr. Anne Marie Evers

My husband Thomas and I have been married for 25 years. Several years ago he had a short-lived affair with a woman, Sandy who worked in his office. When I found out about the affair, he immediately broke it off, and asked me for forgiveness. She was transferred to a branch office in another State. We never spoke of her again.

Yesterday I found an email that my husband had printed out from her. I was so upset I immediately accused him of secretly seeing her behind my back and even accused him of carrying on the affair for the past years.

Thomas tried very hard to explain that 'no' he had not seen her since he broke it off with her years ago and 'yes' he has and is faithful to me. He told me that the children and I, and our marriage were the most important things in life to him and that he would never again jeopardize them.

One part of me believes him and the other part tells me that I am ‘sticking my head in the sand,’ and that the wife is always the last one to know. I am torn between loving and hating him, both at the same time. I keep seeing pictures of them together in my head and I hate her too! This hate seems to be welling up in me every time he touches me, and I know that is not good for our marriage.

He said he printed off the email from her to show me and then he forgot about it. The email was friendly, saying, "Hi Thomas, it’s been a long time. How are things? I hear you have moved up the corporate ladder. Things are about the same for me. It would be great to catch up with you and talk about old times. What about coffee or lunch? I am in town next Thursday. Please confirm by email, giving me the time and place. Until then” … Sandy.

Those words are tattooed on my brain. Am I going crazy or am I making too much of this situation? Please, I need words of wisdom from the Affirmations doctor... Joanne

Dear Joanne,

From the information that you have shared with me, I believe that it is entirely possible and most likely true that Thomas is innocent here. You say in your further email that he spends his free time at home and every time you call him at the office, he is there. He is a good father, great provider and with the exception of one unfaithful venture, he is a great husband, friend and lover. The email that Sandy sent him certainly sounds innocent to me, like a co-worker catching up on news with a business associate.

I know it is most difficult to forgive unfaithfulness and some people cannot completely do so, but here you have your marriage at stake. You mention that you and Thomas had a great heart-to-heart talk and he broke down and cried saying that he would do anything to be able to change the past and his unfaithful behavior.

He also stated that he has spent years doing everything in his power to make it up to you.

Joanne, it may be time to ask yourself if it is time to really forgive Thomas, release those jealous, angry, negative feelings, let them go and move past that unpleasant experience into the ‘happy marriage’ world.

Forgiveness heals even the deepest of wounds. Forgiveness is very powerful. When you forgive, your energy changes the physical structure of your cells and DNA. When you are embroiled in guilt, shame, disappointment, jealousy, depression, etc. you close down the energy systems of your body.

All types of negative problems can erupt. Forgiveness is a process of untangling mental and emotional parts of your being.

Forgiveness is a choice–as is not forgiving. When you do not forgive another person, you remain energetically connected or tied to him or her. (this way you are energetically connected to Sandy, whether you like it or not).

When you forgive others, you break those ties and allow them to move on with their lives – and you to move on with yours.

I would suggest doing The Letter Method, a forgiveness exercise that I talk about in my book, Affirmations Your Passport to Happiness. Write the letter, remembering all hurts, anger, resentments and injustices. As you put the words on paper, they are removed and released from your being. Feel, see, hear smell and taste your anger and betrayal. Read the letter and feel the pain. Release all negativity surrounding that event, person or circumstance and then burn or destroy the letter immediately. Burning reduces the anger and negativity to ashes. You could shred it or cut it up into tiny pieces and flush it down the toilet. Never leave it lying around so someone can read it and become hurt. It is not the object here to hurt anyone. It is sufficient that you have operated and taken the hurt and negativity (emotional cancer) out of your body by the simple method of the written word.

It is amazing how powerful this exercise it when you do it from the bottom of your heart.

You have the choice to forgive, let go of the hurt and betrayal and get on with your life, OR allow the feelings of jealousy and anger to overtake your body, be eaten up with hurt and allow it to destroy your marriage, affect your health in a negative manner and adversely affect the lives of your two children

It is your choice, Joanne. There is no right or wrong way, only the chosen way. Go deep within and ask yourself... all answers are within. You are the only thinker and decision maker in your universe!

Sample Master Affirmation of Release

“I, Joanne now pour out my negative feelings, emotions and hurts concerning you, Thomas and Sandy. I now release all my negative feelings and let them go. I release them with the love of God and I send them into the Universe to be recycled into divine love. I now forgive everyone and everything has ever hurt me. I now forgive myself. I love, respect and approve of myself just the way I am.

Thomas and I now have and enjoy happy, loving family AND a loving, lasting, healthy, faithful, honest marriage. We are all happy, peaceful and fulfilled to the good of all parties concerned. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

I totally accept

Signed: _____________________ Dated: _____________________

When you date and sign this affirmation, you have made a firm and binding contract with your Higher Self, God, Universal Mind or whomever you believe.

Please keep me posted. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

With love, light and blessings

Dr. Anne Marie Evers