My husband Reg has just lost his brother Charlie Clemens, so he, the family and friends are struggling with the loss.

Perhaps some of the information below could help you when you are facing the loss of a loved one.

COMMENTS FROM Rev-Doctor Anne Marie Evers
(taken from Evers' book, Affirmations Your Passport to Happiness.)

Death is the end of the journey. Life’s train has taken us from the cradle to the grave. It has been an interesting, intriguing, exciting and, sometimes, a sorrowful and stressful journey. We have all walked on various paths, had our own challenges, and knelt at different graves during our lifetimes.

Shock

Initial shock or numbness
Tears or emotional release
Loneliness
A desire to die

Denial

Deep depression
Anger, confusion
Pain
Guilt

Acceptance

Hope to go on
Struggle to keep on living
Plans for the future

Answering the following questions may help you determine what influence your grief has on you.

What was your relationship with the deceased? Do you have regrets and unresolved issues? Was the death expected?

Was the loved one’s illness a long one?
Have you had many losses through death recently?
Have you resolved grief from past deaths?
What is the state of your own mental and emotional health?

Do you have other major stress factors in your life?
Are you dwelling excessively on death and dying?
Do you suffer from chronic depression, low-self esteem, guilt, or anger?
Are you holding on to the deceased’s clothing and personal effects too long?
Do you idolize the one who has died, placing him or her on a pedestal?

I found myself idolizing my first husband following his death. When I spoke or thought about him, I only remembered the good times. I blocked out all problems or negativity surrounding our marriage. I was able to correct this when it was pointed out to me by a grief counsellor. Then I began to remember both the good and bad times. This created a healthy, acceptable balance and, as a result, I was able to move on with my life.

Tips to Help You Adjust

Refrain from making major changes during the first year or two, such as selling your matrimonial home, moving, or changing professions. Become involved with family members or a group of people who can share and understand your loss. Above all, do not feel guilty when you actually begin to feel better.

Be good to yourself.
Eat properly and get plenty of rest and exercise.
Do something you have always wanted to do.
Join a new group of people with similar interests, such as writing, or painting.
If money allows, purchase some new clothes.

Treat yourself to a massage or reflexology treatment.
Plan trips―long and short.
Do not be alarmed if you burst into tears when you hear a favourite song that was special to you and your deceased loved one.

Show your emotions.
Be patient and loving with yourself, as you would be with your child.
Nurture your inner child with gentle loving kindness.

A widowed mother should avoid expecting too much of her children at this time. A young teenage son or daughter should not be given the title and responsibility of being the head of the family. He or she is, and must remain, her child, nothing more.
No one is exempt from death. To dwell on a fear of death is to avoid fully living.

Be Prepared

Prepare for death while you are here by creating your own belief system about God. When one door closes, another heavenly door opens. Prepare yourself and live every moment to the fullest.

Be kind to loved ones that you leave grieving your loss.
1.
Have your Last Will and Testament prepared.

2.
Place a list of your assets and liabilities with it.

3.
If you have stock certificates and shares, record them with their respective numbers.

4.
You may also wish to list what personal items you would like to distribute and to name the recipients.

5.
List the bank or banks that you do business with, as well as your accounts and account numbers.

6.
Keep your personal papers in one place.

Never spend your precious time complaining or dwelling on your illnesses, hurts, or worries. Experience peace by doing your Affirmation Program faithfully.

Give thanks every day to God for a glorious, new day.

AND SO IT IS