By Dr. Anne Marie Evers
Copyright 2007

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Affirmations & Parenting Where Dreams Really can and DO come true!

PARENT’S JOURNEY OF DISCOVERY
Do you feel that you are ready to start? Take three deep breaths, relax and mentally open your mind to receiving and learning new things that will help you on your parenting journey. Please keep an open mind. A parachute only works when it is open!

Question: So just what is the most important job you ever had or will have?

My Answer - Parenting.

Your journey of parenting begins with the first step at the birth of your child. There are no directions given you as your newborn child is placed in your arms. You could think, “Wow—here is this little being that I am totally responsible for. What do I do now?”

Some of us are fortunate enough to have parents, grandparents or others in our lives who are experienced in child rearing to help us get through the first few weeks and months of our child’s life. There are also a number of good books on parenting on the market.

Becoming a parent really is the biggest commitment of your life. Yet, there are no specific qualifications, licensing, degrees or special education requirements for entrance into the profession of ‘Parenthood.’ The most important requirement, I believe is that of unconditional love. Providing a home and food for your child is only a part of being a parent. The most important aspect of parenting is the loving nurturing of the personality and development of your child.

This journey will take you over many paths, sometimes happy, exciting and thrilling and at other times upsetting, frustrating and sad.

One phrase that always helped me as a parent and when I was at the end of my rope and thinking will this negative situation ever end was that I imagined that these four words were inscribed on the back of my ring. “This too shall pass.” And it did—the kids grew up, the unhappy times together with the happy, wonderful times also passed. This is what we call ’life.’

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Take one step, one miracle, one success, and one challenge at a time! Be gentle, kind and loving with yourself. Don’t expect to know everything about children and how to react to them at all times. This is a brand new experience for you, one that requires wisdom, compassion, love and a whole bunch of other things. You are not perfect—no one is. Everyone who succeeds in the game of life does so by making mistakes.

When I make a mistake, I do not beat myself up because I know everyone makes errors and mistakes or miss-steps as I like to call them at sometime in their lifetimes. I am happy because I know that with every mistake I make, it clearly shows me that I am out there, taking action, taking risks and living life! I seize and live my life with gusto and excitement. I have strategies in place that I use to fix mistakes that I made.

You are embarking upon an interesting, happy, sometimes sad journey where you will wear many hats—Mom, Dad, Cook, Housekeeper, Chauffer, Counselor, Doctor Mom or Dad, Teacher, Nurse, Disciplinarian and many others. It is a very interesting journey with many stops along the way.

The secret is to learn to ‘Go with the flow’ at times. Please don’t sweat the small stuff and ask yourself, “Is it chatter or does it matter?”

You are required to be strict at times and open to new ideas and concepts, and to ‘lighten up’ at other times. The real ‘trick’ here is to develop the wisdom to know what to do and when to do it.

It is very important that we, as parents need to love, respect and approve of ourselves as individuals so that the Divine Wisdom can flow through our bodies, mind and spirit. We will explore this further later on.

What other hats do you wear as a parent?
What hat do you most enjoy wearing?
Please explain why.

HOPE - Giving Meaning to Life
We, as parents need to instill HOPE in our children.

HOPE means ...
H Help
O Open
P Peoples’
E Eyes

We also need to teach positive traits such as honesty, integrity and morals to our children at a young age. Remember--Children learn by example. We give our children two things:

(a) Roots – We give them a strong, solid foundation based on truth.

(b) Wings – When they become of age, we allow them to make their own pathway in life. I work very hard not attempting to interfere with their lives and try and place my desires upon them. Some people try to influence their children as to:

Who they should marry
How they should live their lives
What occupation path to follow
Other ideas, desires and plans of what we think is right or want for our children.

State at least 2 things that you would like to change with regard to your method of raising your child or children. Please state why you would want to do this.

Example: I would like to be more patient or “I want to really listen & concentrate on what my child is saying” etc.

Other Ideas...

We are all part of the whole picture, society, our environment and as such it is the responsibility of each one of us to help others eliminate bullying and violence in our homes, schools and communities.

What suggestions that have worked for you would you like to share with other parents that would help them in this respect?

When we teach our children at a young age to love, respect and approve of themselves there is no need to put others down or bully them.

Please state other things that you want your children to do to help eliminate bullying and put-downs in school, home and communities. Please explain why.

What kind of role model are you and your spouse providing for your children? Children love to imitate and model their parents and others.

Teaching children values, morals, Affirmations and instilling beliefs of positive, happy thoughts, ideas, concepts and beliefs are of prime importance. Seeing your child become a successful, healthy, caring, responsible adult would be the completion of that desire.

Spend quality time at home teaching, modeling and living the attributes you desire to see manifest in your children.

Please write a definition of your concept of being a parent.
What does being a parent really mean to you?

(a) Do you think you should give your child everything he or she asks for? Yes__ No__

If you answered Yes, how do you feel after you have filled that request? Are you Happy? Are you upset? Are you angry with yourself or the child who asked?

Every parent including me wants to give our children what they ask for. But at times it is important to stop and really think why you are giving him or her at this particular time. Does he or she really need it? Are you feeling guilty about something or trying to make up for the time you have not spent with your child? Yes__ No __ Please explain.

(b) Do you think that your child should help out and contribute to family chores? Yes__ No__ Please explain

In my home my children were expected to do their chores and help out around the house. While my best friend Beth on the other hand never expected her children to do anything at all to help, not even set the table or take their dirty dishes to the sink.

The result is that my children grew up to be helpful, hard working young people who offer assistance while Beth’s children grew up lazy, living off the government, expecting a hand out and never ever lifting a finger to help another person. What happened here?

(c) Do you feel that your child should be paid for doing chores?
Yes__ No__ Please explain your answer

Teaching children the value of money at a young age is a good idea.

Money and Children
Children need to learn how to handle money. There are several reasons why to save it, spend it or share it with others. Chores are a great way to teach children responsibility. Being paid for chores teaches children valuable lessons in handling money.

Do you feel that you should share information about family financial struggles with your child?
Yes __ No __ Please explain your answer.

I would say that this decision depends upon their ages. Usually No if it burdens the child. It is certainly not his or her fault that you are short of money or cannot manage your finances.

Do you give your children respect and demand it in return?
Yes__ No__ Please explain your answer

This is most crucial to having and maintaining happy, harmonious family relationships. Some parents strive too hard to be their child’s best friend. Yes, be there friend but always keep that firm boundary that you are the parent and he or she is the child. I feel it is so important usually more so at a young age to set fair and firm boundaries. Just who is the parent? Who is the Child? And then to maintain these roles.

Recall a time when you gave your child respect. Describe the outcome.

Recall a time when your children respected you and your decisions.

Please describe that time.

Please state other things you want your child (children) to do and state why. Example: Do you wish they were more harmonious and peaceful? Do you wish they were more understanding and sharing? etc.

Do you set aside quality time to listen and communicate with your child?
Yes__ No__ Sometimes __

I know this can be quite difficult at times and a real challenge given the busy life styles of parents these days. We all lead, but believe me it is so important to communicate, communicate, and communicate with your children. What will you do to improve this situation?

Parent Note
How are you doing so far? I’m listening.

The Importance of Self-Esteem

What is self-esteem? It is our inner image and who we believe we are. Where does it come from? It comes from our belief system and subconscious image of self. It also comes from the way we have been spoken to and how we talk to ourselves.

We need to praise and encourage our children while visualizing them accomplishing their goals. Some studies show that 80% of children entering school have positive self-esteem. By 6th grade it has dropped to 20%. Only 5% of high school seniors feel positive about themselves.

We, as parents must have healthy self-esteem ourselves before we can teach it to our children.

You have to have it first as you cannot give from an empty cup.

Remember your child learns by example. Every day you are teaching and modeling behavior for your children.

Are you carrying some negative thoughts, ideas, beliefs or concepts from your past that need to be released and forgiven?

Are you holding a grudge against a member of your family, a situation, or person? Did you know that some people say that forgiveness is selfish because it benefits mostly the person doing the forgiving?

If you are, now is the time to give yourself a forgivness healing. Forgiving someone is taking positive action, which reconnects you to your power. If you need to forgive, do the following

Forgiveness Exercise Recommended for both Parents and Children.

The Extended Toothbrush Exercise Procedure

You get up in the morning and just after you have brushed your teeth, you look into the mirror and say, “Hey Self, you are a mighty, fine person. I now forgive everyone and everything that has EVER hurt me. I now forgive myself. I love, respect and approve of myself just the way I am.”

Note: If too many negative memories surface at the same time, just say, “One at a time please.”

If you do this simple, yet proven effective exercise every morning, I promise you that your life will change and I mean for the positive!

To find out more about Parenting and Children, please email me (see my email address at the top of my blog).

Good luck and Happy Affirming!

With love and blessings
Dr. Anne Marie Evers