In search of a loving relationship?

Dr. Anne Marie Evers, Affirmations Coach

I receive so many emails and phone calls from people worldwide asking the same questions. When will I ever meet that special person for a lasting, committed, happy, healthy relationship and/or marriage.
What is your definition of a that special person?
What is your definition of a relationship?
Is it one with yourself, your spouse, children, car, computer or even your pencils?

Relationships are a part of everyday life. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you will ever have. Learn to love, respect, accept and approve of yourself, just the way you are. Then you can move on to creating happy, fulfilled relationships of all types. You have a relationship with life, money, career, loved ones, all others and everything. It is wise to create long, lasting happy healthy relationship in life. You choose -- you know the difference between a right relationship and a wrong one. Learn to let go of relationships that are no longer working for you.

You may be asking, “Why am I having so much trouble finding that special soul-mate, partner, lover or spouse?" "Love is so natural, right, good and basic. Why is it so difficult to find?" These questions are asked frequently. The answer is you need a blueprint -- a simple How To Instruction Guide to attract and keep that special person.

The Relationship Puzzle

Ever thought of thinking of your process of searching for that special person as putting a puzzle together, piece by piece?

Selecting relationships are like putting the pieces of a puzzle together. All relationships require work, trust, loving kindness and consideration. How much energy and loving kindness are you prepared to put into your relationship finding? Just how important is your puzzle? Put your very own relationship puzzle together piece by wonderful piece today. Problems are only pieces of the larger puzzle. You may need to find the solution to each part of the puzzle. Even the smallest piece is important and if it is missing the puzzle is incomplete. Work with the whole puzzle at times. Sometimes problem solving the whole puzzle involves working with other people. It is important to keep in mind that you must never force a person to commit to you. It has to be his or her decision. Adopt a win/win attitude. Get agreement from each piece of the puzzle before putting it in the main part of the puzzle.

When involved in the Relationship Puzzle you are always searching for the right pieces. Carefully examine each one. Perhaps it contains a lesson you need to learn. Can you see that a loving Relationship Puzzle cannot contain seeds of dishonesty, mistrust and betrayal? Even if the piece looks to you as if it will fit perfectly, when you place it next to the other piece, you discover that it does not.

If this happens, it is time to take a look at yourself and discover exactly what emotions you are feeling and just what your desires are. If it is a little piece, (a little anger or resentment) and you think you can ignore it or leave it out, think again as your puzzle will never be complete without all the pieces. As you pick up each piece, gaze at it intently and ask if there are any lessons or information that you need to know to proceed. If the answer is yes, ask for the answer and then sit quietly and listen.

In the case of the fear of commitment piece of the Relationship Puzzle, you may have the puzzle shaping up just great, but when it comes time to place that piece, you cannot get it to fit. Then it is time to go within and do some soul searching. It may be time to forgive, dissolve or release that block from a previous relationship? Ask yourself what is it that you really desire. You may need to curb your possessive ways or streak of jealousy. It could be that the person you are trying so desperately to fit into the puzzle may not be the right person at all!

The Perfect Mate Puzzle

You may choose to use particular pieces of the puzzle that you apply to your perspective mate. Mark the pieces, "Healthy, happy, independent, kind, loving, balanced, loving, generous, faithful, kind, caring, financially independent, nice appearance and more. When you put all the pieces together you may discover that the person you are doing it for is the right person for you, but needs a few minor adjustments. Ask yourself how much are you willing to compromise?

Then do a Relationship Puzzle for yourself and find out what kind of mate you are. You may also discover some values or desirable qualities missing. It is very important to forgive. Being in a relationship with self or others is a responsibility. You are the scriptwriter, producer and director of your show. All relationships take time and work to evolve into loving, lasting ones. A great relationship enhances your life, but it does in no way complete it. We all know individuals who repeat disastrous relationships. It would appear that they have confused love for what they feel is a familiar experience.

The known experience gives pleasure only because it feels normal and comfortable. It keeps them in the comfort of a known, abusive, unhappy relationship. They soon forget how painful these relationships can be as they feel they are safe harbors to them. These negative situations and relationships can be dangerous. These people actually fear the unknown experience of a right relationship and are afraid to take a step out of your comfort zone into the right direction.

Never allow fear to control your life. Learn to experience negative situations so clearly that they cannot repeat themselves. Are you attracting the wrong people into your life? Do you feel you have to live up to the demands of others? Why? Your attainment of personal security, joy and happiness has absolutely nothing to do with others’ expectations of you. Your right thinking and positive thoughts have everything to do with your happiness. Relationships do not solve problems. Now you have two people working on them. You are never able to work out someone else’s problems -- nor can anyone work out your problems.

Set the guidelines at the beginning of any relationship. Define your wants and needs. Know the difference between them. A needy love is a false love. To be needy is a crutch and to need is a tool. Everyone has basic needs for food, clothing, shelter and living necessities. There is a difference between a need and a want. A need in a relationship is when you have a gap in your own life and you need someone to fill it.

There may be a specific need such as loneliness. A needy person is different from a person who has desires and wants, goals and expectations. To want is to desire. Do you know the difference between a need and a want? You may have a fear of living alone. Instead of working on improving and healing yourself, you search for a person to fill that need and to make you feel whole.

A want in a relationship is when you are a whole person and desire to enhance or add to your wholeness. You may wish to share your whole person with another. It then becomes a caring, sharing situation where each individual has and gives 100%.

Plan today to give your relationship 100% and expect the same from your partner.

Happy Relationship Affirming!